Comparison, the thief of Joy.

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.

Galatians 6:4-5

Some days are more challenging than most. I have had a few of those. Days where I have questioned why things come easy for some people and not for others. 

I was raised in a very competitive environment. This was always accompanied with comparison after comparison. Many times, I was asked, ' why can't you be like so and so?', don't you admire attaining success like so ......? Well, I was always trying to measure up to that standard. Anything less, and I had failed in their books.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”  Well, this is very much true of my childhood, my teenage years, and the earlier years of my adulthood.  I was unhappy and often felt inadequate.  I felt like I needed to be who these people wanted me to be if I was ever to receive their approval, their love, their acceptance. 

I wasted time chasing success by someone else’s definition and ignoring my own calling. 

This was not living at all. It made me begin to focus on what was lacking rather than what I had. or who I was.  I was dissatisfied. Nothing was ever good enough.

We often hold ourselves to unrealistic standards set by society, media, and social media. Nobody's life is that perfect. Even the people I was always compared to, were not/aren't perfect. That's because we may not be shown the challenges and struggles other people face.

Lately, I have been reminded that I need to run my race; the one marked out for me. To focus on being grateful for who the LORD made me to be, to be happy with my own successes. To enjoy my own journey. To find Joy, even in the little things. I don't need to look at another person's journey to determine my own Joy. 

All of us have incredibly personal needs and wants, just as we have our own personal privileges and obstacles. If we constantly compare ourselves to others and find that we don’t measure up, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. We may start to believe that we’re not good enough, or become overly competitive, thereby ruining relationships and losing sight of what’s important and meaningful.

I have forgiven and continue to forgive those that hurt me with their words, with their constant pressure. I know that they were not intending to cause me any harm. They truly believed that they were doing the right thing and were trying to guide me on a good path.

I have healed from the pain they inflicted on me. I have learned to stay focused on my own race. 

I have also learned to celebrate others when they achieve success. Other people's progress doesn't cause me any grief. Instead of jealousy, I have learned to be happy for others. It's better, it's not draining. It's freedom. It's Joy. 

Wings clipped, but I will rise!

It's been a while since my last post. This one is a bit odd.

Lately, I have been put in a position where I simply do not know what to say, how to say it or how to react. If I say something, there is a possibility that it will be perceived differently from what I am actually saying. This is draining. 

I can't even freely show facial expressions anymore. My eyes, my head, my lips, they have a mind of their own. They sometimes go where I don't send them. They pretty much land me in hot soup. I am really stuck between a rock and a hard place. 

It's even hard when you can't speak your mind because you are afraid. This is not living. My freedom is not free. I don't want to turn into the person that I am not. It's suffocating. 

I am afraid again. I am taken back to days when I was scolded as a child. When I was forced into a shell. I hate this shell. I want to be free again. But I am Afraid! Afraid of what can happen if I speak up. 

If I could scream out, I would.  But that wouldn't be alright, would it? Hmmm, just when I thought these times will never come back again.

My chest is pressed. The words I can't speak out, my mind makes louder now. It's really loud. It's endless and I am restless. I am Afraid again. 

What happens now? My mind has raced to many places. This anxiety, who will carry it away?

I have treasured the presence of carefree expressions for sometime.

I know I will return someday. I will be able rest easy again. I will laugh again.  I will get my HAPPY back. I will be myself again.  

For now I hold back. I will wait until my wings are strong enough to fly again.

                ‘The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.

                                                        David Foster Wallace

She left a beautiful legacy.

My mom was special. And I am not saying this just because she was my mom. No amount of sweet words can even begin to describe her. She will forever be the greatest. She loved well.
I learned a lot of things from her. I learned a lot of valuable life lessons from her. She was a strong, brave woman. She was a hard worker.

 
Losing my mom has been very difficult. Most people know me to be  a very strong woman, but no amount of strength can reduce the pain of losing her. 9th October 2016 was a very dark day. I lost the woman that cherished me through my best and worst days. I lost my best friend, my confidant. There is still a big void. It hurts.

What I have appreciated though is the way that my mom lived her life. She knew how to live well with others. She did not burn down relationships. She worked hard, loved the people in her life well. She had very good principles that I was privileged to tap in. There is a lot about her that I am appreciative.

A few months ago, some one that was close to my mom called me and said he wanted to see me. Upon seeing me, he just started weeping. He was crying uncontrollably. He then told me of how my mother meant so much to him. My mom was always hospitable and caring. That is just one example of the so many people that my mom touched with her life.

Sometimes I wonder how I will be remembered once I am gone. The way I live my life will have a great impact on those around me. My children will either be embraced or rejected by some people, depending on how I live my life. The way I live my life does not end with me when I am gone.
My mother lived well. So many people embrace us (her children) because of the way she loved them.
The way I live now matters. It doesn't stop with me. My mom lived well and left a beautiful mark and I celebrate that.
x

Fathers

This post has taken me this long to compose and share. This is a real sensitive one for me.
Considering that Father’s day was celebrated over a week ago, this would seem like a late post. It isn’t. I just needed to find the right words to pen down.

Last year, I listened to a song that Chris Tomlin and Pat Barrett sang about God being the good father. Those are some of my favourite lyrics ever. Words that i constantly listen to over and over. This song speaks to my heart in a very beautiful way.

As I listened to that song for the first time, I just cried. I cried because I started to recall all the experiences I have had with human fathers. I can say that most of the father figures I grew up with were not good fathers. I was hurt by those that were supposed to protect me. For many years, I had a sad picture of dads. They were a disappointment. My childhood was not pleasant as a result.

My son’s dad, with his absence from our lives has not made matters any better. It seems like fathers in my life have distorted my reality of who fathers are meant to be. It was just a crafted scheme of the enemy to bring this kind of deception.

I could have easily stayed in that state of thinking that fathers are bad but God has been showing me over and over that I am not without a good daddy. That I have always had a good father and he would never forsake me or cause me harm.

Beginning this year, I think the loudest message I have received over my life is that I am a child of the King and He is good and He loves me. I have a good father.
I am not making this up, His word tells me I am His daughter. There is a lot of that confirmation in the scriptures but i will use two.

1 John 3:1 tells me “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.
Ephesians 3:14-15, Paul prays, "For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named…

God’s fatherhood is forever and it cannot be tainted by the way our earthly fathers reflect fatherhood. The pictures and experiences we have of our fathers should not limit our ability to understand God’s Eternal love for us, His children. Jesus Christ made a way for us to be embraced lovingly, Eternally by God our Father.

This year’s father’s day wasn’t sad/weird. I was celebrating my daddy. The Good Father. And I pray constantly for my son, that his picture of a father will not be stained by his dad’s never being there. I am glad that my son knows Jesus and he is so much aware that God is his father and He loves him so much.

I have also seen very good dads around me. I have seen this through my friends at church. My Pastor and friend is a very good dad to his two babies. I see a father who loves his children and who would do anything to protect them. I know now that there are good fathers and I thank God for them.

How I pray that every dad will be the person that God intended him to be; a father reflecting God the Good Father.

JOY NO MATTER WHAT.

Huge statement! With the way the year has been going for me, choosing to agree with these words has not been easy. The LORD however has been preparing me in more ways than I had anticipated and  because of that I can say it is possible to embrace Joy No matter what one is going through.

To start with, I have gone through irritable harsh times over and over and there would be no reason for me to be joyful (in a typical world). But I am realizing daily that i am not living typical. I am much more than that. Realizing my identity  has made things much more meaningful. There have been painful, sad days and heartbreaks but I have enjoyed a few happy days.

Illnesses have been constantly invading my home. My  Hamlet has not enjoyed a single full month free from sickness. My Ma was recently hospitalized and I thought I was going to lose her. I felt helpless. It was a scary time for me. I am still amazed at how God calmed my heart during that visit with ma in hospital. He kept reassuring me over and over that the enemy does not get to win. And as I watched her, I had to keep holding back tears and telling myself that it is well. Ma is still battling illness but I am not afraid. God is in charge.

At church yesterday, the preacher’s theme for his sermon was JOY NO MATTER WHAT, and that is where I got my inspiration for this blog post. I enjoyed the message. He preached from Philippians 3. But before that, he went over the first and second chapters of this letter briefly.

Paul is in prison but even in prison, 17 times he says rejoice, be happy. Be joyous. Of all places, a prison is not a vacation that one can gladly write mail to loved ones encouraging them to rejoice. But Paul knows that he has something that is far bigger than comfortable living conditions. Something that even prison can’t take away. And as such he says rejoice.

With all that is going wrong, I can celebrate what is going right and I will find Joy.

For one, My niece who came to live with me last year and who has been Muslim because both her parents are staunch Muslims, accepted Jesus in her life Nov 1st last year and she got baptized on 17th April, My birthday. What a gift Heaven was giving me on that day! Ma was still in critical state, I wanted to stay with her but the next day was the day my niece was getting baptized. I couldn’t miss that for anything in the world. I got on the bus traveled almost 5 hours back home to be with my niece and to be there on the day she was baptized. It was a day filled with so much mixed emotions. God is amazing. I can celebrate that. I can find Joy in all that HE is.

If I cannot find joy in other things, I can rejoice in knowing that I am loved. That I am saved. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for me. If I do not rejoice in the LORD, things of this world will break me. Just like how my year has been going so far, if I did not rejoice in God, I would be totally messed up.

I am not perfect yet, I may not get perfect anytime soon but I desire to seek God’s purpose for saving me. I will try to find Joy in all situations. I can celebrate that I am unique. That I have a purpose. A purpose for me. I will seek to find Joy no matter.

Bullies.

My son has told me on several occasions of moments that have been awful for him because of other kids mistreatment. Some kids can mean to be hurtful and my Hamlet has been on the receiving end of some of these kids’ meanness. 

On one occasion, a girl bigger than he is thought it was funny to push Hamlet off a swing. This landed him face down and he was hurt. She threw him down again by running into him as he stood on the school compound the next day. And these are the few times that he has told me about. I think there were days that she picked on him or hit him and he did not tell me because he is a boy and he sometimes finds it difficult to admit that a girl is the one responsible for causing him pain.  I must confess I was harboring bad thoughts for that 8/9 year old girl.

Leaving Hamlet’s bully aside, I have come to realise there are older bullies. I am encountering one myself. At first I thought that this lady is just rude but with time I have come to see that she is just a bully. She likes making everyone around her feel small. To her, you don’t have an opinion. She does the talking. You have to listen to her or risk being belittled and put down. 

How do I relate to such a person who constantly makes me feel irrelevant? I can’t avoid her because I deal with her more times than I wish I did. One would suggest confronting her. She is not one to listen to such. Talking to her will make things even worse than they were before.

Bullies make the environments they live in less interesting, less pleasant to stay in. The girl that has been bullying my son really needs prayers so that when she grows up, she doesn’t turn out to be like the bully I am dealing with at the moment.

TRUST

I have been trying to understand what it means to trust. I think I am a bit too trusting at times that it is hard for me sometimes to understand why people are over protective (even when not necessary), less trusting, very suspicious of everyone around them. 

It can get real bad and hurtful at times when I realize that there is so much mistrust. How can one give you so much responsibility over things yet keep looking over their shoulder, hovering over you, monitoring your every move? I hate it. I hate it when I feel that someone is ever suspicious. It puts me in a bad place. If trust cannot be given fully, then you should leave it all together. 

Don’t trust me to stay in your house but lock all your drawers each time you are leaving me by myself in your house. One would be stupid not to realize that you don’t trust them enough to leave your drawers open.What would be the reason for doing that if I have never given you cause to do so? It makes me wonder sometimes if people fail to trust due to other unspoken reasons. 

The person that is put in that predicament often feels small if they know you are not trusting them enough. I try not to do it because I hate anyone doing it to me. The only reason that would cause me to not trust someone is if they have broken my trust over and over. Most times I choose to trust. 

Being suspicious of others normally does not remain unnoticed. The person you are suspicious of usually knows. They may never confront you about it, but they know! And they hurt so bad. No one wants to feel that way.

When you choose to not trust someone, you better have a smart reason for that. Don’t just get prejudiced and makeup reasons to be suspicious of people.

That is it. I have finally said it.

I will choose to love

I have been reflecting on somethings that the LORD has exposed before my eyes. One of those has been my reactions to the actions of those I care about. Actions that don’t seem right! How have I responded to the decisions being made by the ones I love and I am not in agreement? 

A few days ago, I sat down with a colleague and I kept complaining about how upset I was about the decisions that someone close to me was making. I thought she was going to agree with my reasons for being quite upset. May be she did agree but the response I received from her was very eye opening. She pointed to me that I was judging this person rather than just loving her. I put up a big defence; I told her I wasn't judging. 

Her rebuke sounded rather harsh. But I needed it. I needed to be told that being frustrated with this person over the decisions they were making wasn't going to make them better. She asked me if this person was a Christian and I said that she wasn't. She then told that this was normal because of the absence of the knowledge of the Savior to this person and what following HIM requires. 

How quickly I had forgotten the person I used to be before I knew the LORD! The decisions this person is making are not any different from the ones I made back then. I was blind to the truth of the Savior  but I was loved. I have come to realize that I have been judging the person I used to be. 

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

~Mother Theresa 

This is so true. I had stopped loving as I should and I was spending much time criticizing and complaining and asking questions like “ How can someone make such choices?’’

I need to be more understanding and gracious. I was in the same shoes before but I put them off. This person can do that too and being mad at them won’t help. I will choose to Love no matter what.

July for us.

July is my favorite month of the year. I am reminded of the many gifts God has Blessed me with.

The Biggest highlight for us was celebrating Hamlet's 7th Birthday. I am truly thankful for this young man.

 

Hamlet is a true Blessing and I am truly thankful to God.

Yesterday was another day to be thankful to God for my life. A day that could easily have been terrible, did not turn out so bad. On my way to work, my motor cycle guy lost control and we crashed.  No serious damage and i just got up and was very thankful that i was okay. I was mindful to watch my response to situations, good or bad. Instead of sulking and being frustrated, i was filled with thanksgiving in my heart. A lot of beautiful things have happened in my life. Even when the bad creep in, what should my reaction be?

 I am thankful for how July has turned out.

Well, well.... The lessons I have learned!

This week at work I have been blessed to lead devotion time. I chose to share from Jonah. Jonah the Prodigal Prophet. God the forever Redeeming God.

I have learned from this book how not very different I am from Jonah. Often times, I run away from my mission. It is easier to run as far as I can.

My sin has been totally exposed. I have at times run from sharing about the Lord, from sharing about the consequences of disobedience (Usually the hard part!) to those I should.

Sometimes it is because of my own prejudice. My superficial assumption  that they are past hearing, past restoration, past redemption.

I read once that Jonah’s mission couldn’t have been any different from a Jew being sent to the Germans during the WWII with a message like Jonah had. A message that implied the Germans would face destruction if they continued to annihilate the Jews but if they stopped, forgiveness would be available.  The Jew would most likely take off in a different direction like Jonah did.

As I read chapter 1, I am reminded that My sin is very much laid bare before the LORD's sight. He spoke to Jonah, Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”
My Sin/ wickedness can not be hidden from His sight.

The other  observation I get from here is that I often run from my task. When He sends me, do I always do His bidding? "But Jonah ran away from the Lord"
  
It is when we are in the Belly of the fish, Stinky/slimy dark place that we remember who is in charge. Just like Jonah, I have been in that place. And God has come to the rescue. Maybe not in the same way.

As i read Jonah chapter 3, I had to real pose hard and go past being amazed. The people of Nineveh responded in a way that Jonah least expected. They were sorry/repentant. They grieved over their own sin. they took a round about turn. 

What do I learn from this? 
Maybe i have written off some people thinking they are beyond salvation. It is the least likely people like those of Nineveh that can change from their wicked ways to a path of repentance. I have prejudiced some people. But how i would be surprised if they actually turned around for GOOD.

The last chapter is another story to tell. Jonah was mad that the people repented and God was merciful. This reaction is kind of funny. 

Jonah himself called on the mercy of God and enjoyed the mercy of God when it was extended to Jonah. Now he resents it when it is extended to others. What if God treated Jonah the way Jonah wanted God to treat the people of Nineveh

My own Selfishness was exposed here too.  

I am glad  "The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love"

I  am truly a work in progress but i am thankful for the Lessons i keep learning everyday.

Hamlet's 6th Birthday.

I am a bit behind on this post.Hamlet turned 6 years on 19 July 2014. It was a very good day. I decided that I was not going to have a big celebration. Spending time with him was a good idea. He picked the place he wanted me to take him. He was in for lots of fun.

The day before the big day, I prepared cake for him. With the help of my dear friend Cassandra, it did turn out just right.

19th July, I took him to a children's fun place.The pictures tell it all. It was a successful and fun 6th Birthday for my precious Hamlet.

Then we went to that slide thing. Oh my! Hilarious. The kids went up and down. I wished at some point I was young again. I so badly wanted to go down sliding like those kids

Jireh, Hamlet's friend.

At the end of the day, he was tired but very Happy.

The caged Bird Sings.

The caged bird sings

with a fearful trill

of things unknown

but longed for still

and his tune is heard

on the distant hill

for the caged bird

sings of freedom.

How beautiful this sounds! Have you ever felt this way? I have. And like the Caged Bird, I choose to Sing. I sing of things unknown yet longed for. I sing of Freedom. The longing for the Unknown never ceases but i will Hope.

Reflections....

Praise in every situation?

As I reflect on the past months of this year, I have a mixture of emotions.

In one of our office devotions I was reminded to give praise no matter what.

This is a bit of a stretch; “give praise in every situation”.

Well that is not what I feel often times, after all that I have been through these past many months, it is easy to see what has gone wrong and miss out on things to be thankful for.

I have not been happy in awhile. I feel so overwhelmed with everything.

I feel let down by people that normally one would expect support, understanding, love from.

My relationship and trust in family has been crumbling. The very place that one would normally find solid connection, has failed me.

So then, how do I reach that place where giving praise is possible no matter the circumstances?

Often, friends tell me to have faith. May be I need to have a little more of that and then I will learn to praise in every situation. Without faith I may not come to that place of constant praise.

Grumbling/complaining..... when is it okay?

Today as I went about my business, I was pulled into conversations where I was led to conclude that we humans do complain way too much. We complain about the rainy season, and the hot season. We complain about power outages, bad traffic, government laws (new ones and old ones). We complain about a particular preacher's sermon.

We basically complain about every little thing. But why is that?

Who ever promised us that we were going to have everything perfect? Well then, when things are upsetting,are we not allowed to complain? Even just a little?

When is it okay to grumble/complain?  

Christ’s Unconditional Love

At age 17, I was introduced to Jane Austen’s pride and Prejudice.

It is one of the books I love to read over and over. At that time, I cared more on understanding the book, finding relevant themes. Basically, I wanted to excel in my literature class and get good grades.

But of late, after I read a devotional on Christ’s unconditional love, I got another perspective. A new theme.

Love in many circumstances is very conditional just as in that book and even in our world today.

As you read this small excerpt from Pride and Prejudice, you may develop your own new ideas/thoughts/lessons….… Feel free to.

“[Our daughters] have none of them much to recommend them,’’ replied [Mr. Bennet]; “they are all silly and ignorant like other girls; but Lizzy has something more of quickness than her sisters.’’
“Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such way? You take delight in vexing me. You have no compassion on my poor nerves.’’

“You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these twenty years at least.’’

“Ah! you do not know what I suffer.’’

“But I hope you will get over it, and live to see many young men of four thousand a year come into the neighbourhood.’’

“It will be no use to us if twenty such should come, since you will not visit them.’’

“Depend upon it, my dear, that when there are twenty I will visit

them all.’’

Mr. Bennet was so odd a mixture of quick parts, sarcastic humour, reserve, and caprice, that the experience of three and twenty years had been insufficient to make his wife understand his character. Her mind was less difficult to develope. She was a woman of mean understanding, little information, and uncertain temper. When she was discontented, she fancied herself nervous. The business of her life was to get her daughters married; its solace was visiting and news.

—From Pride and Prejudice

Mrs. Bennet’s ill breeding is on display from the onset of Pride and Prejudice. Noisy and foolish, she lacks even basic manners or social skills. Her single, driving life’s focus—finding eligible husbands for her five daughters—is so exhaustive that over the course of the book she will succeed in driving away nearly every potential suitor.

Mrs. Bennet’s intellectual shortcomings are in stark contrast to her husband’s dry humor and quick wit. Twenty three years prior, Mr. Bennet chose to marry a silly but pretty wife, and it seems clear that he daily regrets his choice. To compensate for his unhappy marriage, he withdraws into his study and takes pleasure in books, teasing his wife, and indulging his sarcastic humor. His favoritism of smart, funny Lizzy only further elevates his superiority toward his wife and deepens the chasm between them.

Comical though it may be, Mr. Bennet’s poorly executed role as patriarch runs counter to the Bible’s directive to husbands: “Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. . . . He who loves his wife loves himself” (Ephesians 5:25, 28, emphasis added).

Jesus didn’t wait until we deserved His love to give it to us. Instead, He committed to love us first. This required serious sacrifice—the same kind of sacrifice a husband and wife should commit to each other, even when the other is acting neither lovingly nor attractively.

Christ’s example teaches us this: love is not first and foremost about finding others physically, emotionally, or intellectually our equals. It is about the commitment to love . . . no matter what.

I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord. - Hosea 2:20

House hunting

I can freely blog about this now because I have survived it. Definitely with a few heartbreaks.

I was for quite sometime searching for a house to move to. For Various reasons, i had to move. Problem though, is that finding a house that you have in mind is not as easy as one pictures.

I began by looking on line for any listings within areas i wanted to move to. The search was not fruitful.

I had always hated the whole idea of hiring a house broker. They are usually crafty,  expensive and generally you move with them every where. It is not fun at all.

Last month i asked some one i know, who deals in real estate business to help me with the search. He turned out to be so mean. And arrogant, and rude. He wasn't taking my needs into consideration. He showed me all the houses i hated. I called it quits and i was giving up. Then i got another house broker. One phone call and he said he had the house i wanted. Imagine you've been house hunting for weeks or even months! That phone call was a joy. The  home had been available for some time without any offers. One look at it, i knew i wanted it. I loved it.

But then, here comes bad news, someone came a few minutes before me and paid. What??? How did that happen? I was  astonished, then angry, and later, depressed.  I was very mad. mad at myself for not being there first, mad at the broker for not taking me there earlier. I was just mad.  I asked God, "Now what?"

I was back to square zero :(  Next day, Mr Broker asked me to skip going to work and use the day for house hunting. I called office and asked for a day off. That day was horrible. The search was even worse than the one before. I was almost scammed by a fake land lord, who wanted to rent me property that was not his. He had noticed my desparation and used that to almost rob me. God made me survive this. I learned a lesson, Never make dealings without your true broker present!

When i was almost throwing in my towel, another offer came. There was a house available. Not very far from my workplace. I was to go look at it in the morning on my way to work. I went there. I knew that, this was the end of my search. But No. Someone had paid that evening. Really?? Where was my luck?

The broker found another house elsewhere on discovering that this was not available anymore. So we went to look at it.I was hopeless. I had to look at it but i was not as excited anymore. I did not expect any good results. This one however, was available. And it was within the budget. It is even closer to work. My search stopped there.

I move in this Sunday. I hope to take a few photos to share. And i was lucky to find Hamlet a school within a walkable distance from the house. God is faithful.

House Hunting for me wasn't fun, but i have a place now and i think we will love it there.

New Year Resolutions?

New year resolutions??? Who came up with this idea in the first place?

I don't write down New Year's resolutions because I've never ever managed to keep up with the long list. It's just setting myself up for disappointment. And there is usually a lot of pressure on oneself not forgetting unrealistic expectations and you know what results from this; frustration and disappointments if expectations are not realized. Most times i have noticed that many New Year's resolutions never work, so i really don't bother making them. May be i am wrong, but for now New year resolutions are not my thing.

This obviously doesn't imply that i  dislike the idea of self examination, self-improvement or resolving to be a better person.This is totally a great idea. I love a  genuine, sincere New Year’s resolution. It is very important that a person sets goals in life.

What i don't understand is why making/writing New year resolutions such a big deal. For the first weeks of a new year, many conversations involve New year resolutions. I was asked, " Rhona, did u make resolutions for this year?" I don't have a straight answer for this. I will take each day as it comes. I will try to  be a better person in all aspects but i am not going to put my self under pressure in an attempt to keep up with resolutions i set up. No way!

Puzzling over change.

One needn't turn hoary-headed to learn that the baton of life, has a way of showing up on our starting grids unannounced, requiring us to make life-changing decisions with no room for maneuvers. I have been contemplating a few incidences that i have to encounter. Thinking of moving to a totally new place is a bit scary. Moving from the comfort of familiar faces and things is sometimes hard to comprehend. But how that this fit into God's plan for me at the moment?

Dreams, Feelings , Intuitions,Visions, even Seers [prophets] have been known to sometimes fail particularly when it comes to trying to make sense of God's perfect will. All of these usually fail but Love! Today i watched as i let my son venture on his own far from my ever watchful eyes. He got on the bus (this will be about 5hrs drive without me). My feelings were in muddle. But i noticed, my baby has grown. He has evolved. He can do fine with other people (still missing him though, but i know he is fine). I just have to trust that even if i do not know how he is going to react once he gets there without me, God will watch over him.

Change will happen at one point . But it always brings with it uncertainity, confusion. When things go sour, many begin to wonder and ponder about those never-ending puzzles and even ask questions such as: Did God really rubber-stamp this decision, business, or venture in the first place?

Comprehending the above circumstantial dilemmas and a billion other nail-biting scenarios is man's life-long quest during his time here. Besides this has been responsible for why many have switched, hitched, or even ditched the existence of God. Ultimately the objective of these situations is to bring to light a self-discovery and acknowledgement of man's incapacitation minus God. [The evidence is all too glaring whether they are called the greatest,or the brainiest but absolutely powerless].

Finding out God's Will for one's life is still one relevant piece of life's maze man can't afford to continue

unresolved. And it is indeed true that our journey through life may necessitate that we quickly come to terms with the fact that God oftentimes wouldn't reveal His complete will unto us until the future has become the past. He might only give a glimpse to spur us on. Or even that indelible snapshot etched within our hearts!

This in no way causes a collision with our ambition to succeed as human beings. On the contrary, it is by understanding what true success means from God's perspective that living may then become truly meaningful.

Therefore, we can encounter loss, failure, pain, opposition, persecution, and more, and yet be smack-dab in the middle of God's perfect will for our lives. While we see only the difficulty of the moment, God sees the

effectiveness of the process.

So as i puzzle over change from what i am used to and look around for a new place, finding a new school for Hamlet and figuring out new things,  i have to trust that God will see me through this.

The Unspeakable

I have often  sought a  lonely spot to deal with distress and over and over i have come to realize that it is okay to want to pour out your heart.

God is our Father of intimate, loving compassion. That  very compassion invites the honesty that voices the unspeakable and brings healing. 
 

It’s all right—
questions, pain, and
stabbing anger
can be poured out to
the Infinite One and
He will not be damaged.

Our wounded ragings will be
lost in Him and
we
will
be
found.

For we beat on His chest
from within
the circle of His arms.

"Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend." —Job 16:19–21

"Therefore I will not keep silent; I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul." —Job 7:11

I cry aloud to the LORD; I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. —Psalm 142:1–2